Sarah Palin has magic powers. It’s true. She once parted the seas so she could grab fish off the floor because she didn’t want to wait for moses to come and do it again. She also single handedly fought off the last alien invasion attack on the north pole. She tries to trick people into thinking she’s just a cute face that stumbles on her words but that is not the truth!

I can count to 100 billion in 5 seconds. I just can’t do it out loud so you are going to have to trust me.

One time Adam and I were hanging out in a Google+ chat room and and every single god of every religion showed up. They were all arguing that none of the other gods existed. It was pretty boring so we left.

The animated gifs on this site have secret messages hidden in them. If you play them in order from bottom right to top left and take a screen shot every 1/16th of a second and layer those screenshots in photoshop adding transparency every time you see a white pixel it will make egyptian symbols. If you then take those egyptian symbols and order them from rows 1-3-5-7 first then 8 second and 2-4-6 third you see it spells out a secret message. Next you need to use a decoder ring to shift the letters. a=c, b=d and so on. Then you place 4 of the images vertical. Take 2 and place them in the 50% y plane horizontal. Follow that with 4 more images parallel to the first 4. Leave space for the next part and you will do the exact same thing but rotated 90 degrees. Start with 4 images horizontal, place 2 images in the 50% x plane vertical. Follow that with 4 more images parallel to the first 4 and the message should instantly become apparent.

If you need glasses and cant see, you can use a pin to poke a hole in a piece of paper and then cover your eye with that paper. If you look through the hole you will be able to see.

Adam Willis and Heather Willis have 20 toes!

The ultimate answer isn’t actually 42… It’s four tea two… People just misunderstood.

If you type 58008 in a calculator and then hold it upside down it will say BOOBS. Unless it’s a new calculator and then the 5 just looks like it’s upside down…

The definition of Totes is: To your question, my response is yes.

This is the longest blog post ever written in history!

Thanks for listening to this post and I hope you remember everything you have learned. There may be a quiz so make sure you take notes!

Guest post by Ricky Bartleman (Twitter, Google+)

First up… um… yeah… over to the right… that’s a My Little Pony… and that My Little Pony… is me. And no… I am most definitely NOT a brony. Someone Tweeted a link to General Zoi’s Pony Creator and I just couldn’t resist. I know… I’m weak. Hey! You know what… whatever! I like my pony! He’s fucking awesome! Deal with it.

Moving on! Disneyland. Wow. Heather and I have been to my favorite place in the world twice in the last month! And we’re going back with Team Willis in three weeks! And then again in January with The Bartlemans! Ah! I love having an annual pass. So much. So very much. And Star Tours! Holy Cow! What an experience! I loved the original, but this new version is just beyond anything I ever expected. It’s so good, I don’t even mind that it (sometimes) involves a pod race or even a visit to Naboo! I was really skeptical about the overhaul (I’m lookin’ right at you, Mr. Lucas… idiot), but Disney Imagineering has created one of the greatest attractions ever.

And speaking of Star Wars! Watch this!

I love ATATs…

Christmas! Ah! It’s officially Christmastime and I love it. 99.9 KEZ has been playing Christmas music nonstop for a few weeks now and people are slowly but surely putting up their decorations. Stores have already detonated their Christmastime explosives and are covered from floor to ceiling in greens and reds and silvers and wreaths and toys and trees and fruitcakes and pies and ornaments and lights and so much happiness! Yippie!

What else? Oh yeah! Rufio, my scooter, is fucking broken again! Well, not broken to the point of not working, but he’s making noises he shouldn’t be making. Let’s just say he is definitely not feeling bangarang. Hopefully I’ll be able to take it in tomorrow so I can start riding it to work again. Cars are damn boring.

Also… Heather and I are watching the Twilight movies. Yeah. They’re just as bad as everyone says. Silver lining: Jacob’s abs. Yum. Yum. Yum.

Also… there’s a new podcast that you should check out: Ellipsis with Ella Morton.

Well, there’s much more I could write about, but I’m done for now.

Don’t forget…

I love you.

LOVE IT!

And yes… I did not blog on Saturday or Sunday.

To find out why, have a look at these pictures or the video below!

We had some fun…

Thing one (part two). On Saturday, Heather and I went out to North Phoenix to Arizona Discount ATV to look at scooters. I am happy to say that I found the one I want. Even Heather liked it! I mean… just look at it! LOOK AT IT!

It is truly a thing of beauty. It’s no Vespa, but it’s pretty damn sexy for the price I am willing to pay. I am definitely going to buy it, but it won’t be as soon as I originally planned because…

Thing two (part two). MOTHERFUCKING VEGAS, BABY! Heather, me, Dawn, and Ricky are going to Las Vegas this weekend! We’re staying at the Encore in a mega super badass room. Heather and I are sleeping on the couch, but we’ll be stinking drunk so we won’t mind one bit! We’ve stayed at the Wynn before, but not Encore, so I’m pretty damn excited as it is the Wynn on steroids. While there, we’re finally gonna go see Le Rêve! The Bartlemans have seen it before, but loved it and wanted to go again. I’ve heard nothing but great things about it! We also plan on eating at our beloved Pizza Place as much as humanly possible as well as one fancy restaurant. As far as gambling goes, we’ll probably just stick to the Monkees penny slot machine. It’s the best slot machine ever made. By far. It’s life changing. It’s life ALTERING.

So yeah… lots of moneys being spent on very fun things!

We’re helping the economy! You’re welcome, Obama!

Okay. Two things.

Thing one. I have chosen which scooter (Puma Romeo 150cc) I am going to buy. It is the most beautiful and awesome scooter I have ever seen and I love it so very much! I will blog about it later as I am tired and ready for bed.

Thing two. Heather and I are going to go to Las Fucking Vegas with The Bartlemans next weekend! We’re gonna stay at the Encore and go see Le Reve! We so excited!

That’s all. Bed time. I love you.

Because of the broken leg, he can no longer go on the cruise he had planned. Not cool. I’m pretty sure a blog post entirely about him is not quite as good as a 10 day cruise… but it’s something.

BEER. He likes it. He runs a beer review website called Local Brewery. I don’t like beer, but I still enjoy watching the beer review videos. And hey… he even gave me some of the Sam Adams Utopias he reviewed in the video below.

That shit’s expensive! It was actually quite tasty and had quite a kick for a beer.

I’ve known Ricky since I worked at GoDaddy. That’s quite a while. Look… I have proof:

Yep. That’s Ricky and my ex wife chugging beer. Obviously, he is a little better at it.

Oh hey… did you want to see some pictures of his stitched up leg? Yeah. Okay. BAM!

And finally… I cannot mention Ricky without bringing up Android. He’s a pretty big fan. He really enjoys giving me shit about my iPhone. I think he’s right. Android is pretty fucking awesome. The WWDC is tomorrow though and I think I’m going to have to depend on him to convince me to not get the new iPhone. Stupid AT&T really needs to get on the Android bandwagon.

There you go. Get well soon, Ricky!!!

Ah yes… Yelp. I’ve gotten into writing reviews on Yelp. I’m loving it! You can check out my profile and reviews here. I just went to the amazing Yelp in Bloom event at the Desert Botanical Gardens with Heather. Oh god it was awesome. Click here for my (and over 100 others) review of it.

Every now and then I get this intense desire to work with my hands. I love doing this internet stuff, but sometimes I just want to put in some hard work. I kind of did this when I worked overnights as a stocker at Walmart. I loved it! I mean… I loved the job… not the people. Yikes! What a bunch of sad, pathetic human beings. Anyway… yeah. I know it’s probably a cliché, but I just felt more emotionally rewarded after a hard days work than when I have worked all day in a cubicle, staring at a computer screen. Yes, I probably am a lazy, fat-ass American at heart and would get sick of it eventually, but you never know…