Two (Plus One) Reasons The Onion Kicks Ass

The “News in Photos” section of The Onion is amazing. It’s just a picture and a headline. That’s it. Combine this with one of my favorite actresses ever and you get this:

Amy Adams and The Onion News in Photos

She’s so hot.

Also! This:

Julian Assange Fired From IT Job At Pentagon

ARLINGTON, VA—With officials describing his publication of sensitive U.S. State Department documents as “the last straw,” Wikileaks founder Julian Assange was asked to resign from his position as the Pentagon’s IT coordinator Monday. “We gave him his first warning after the whole Iraq and Afghanistan war diaries thing, and strike two was when he forwarded that video montage of Nicolas Cage yelling to the entire staff,” Defense Department human resources director Curtis Shannon said. “But we just can’t overlook this latest offense. Even if he’s the only one who knows where the spare USB cables are.” At press time, Assange had already been invited to interview for an IT position at the Central Intelligence Agency.

Pure. Hilarious. Genius.

UPDATE! Just had to add this absurd video from the ONN:

I hope you RIP when you finally die, Paul.

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