When I was a kid, Jurassic Park was my life. I have watched it more times than I have watched any other movie. I went through a I-want-to-be-a-paleontologist phase. I collected Jurassic Park pogs and trading cards. I had bed sheets and posters and shoes and shirts and hats. I know… AWESOME.
And of course… there were the toys. Boy oh boy did I love my toys. I had a lot. I still do. They’re in a box at my parents house. These were my favorites:
Dennis Nedry. Yep. This is supposedly Dennis Nedry. This guy. Hm. Not so much. Despite it’s insane inaccuracy, I played with it a lot. He was, just like in the movie, the bad guy. But he wasn’t the bumbling, fumbling nerd bad guy like in the movie… no… in my room, he was the super slick, super genius, ultra villain. Hell yeah. He did die a lot though.
Harpoon Harrison. What? You don’t remember him from any of the movies? That’s okay. He wasn’t in any of them. He was created for the sole purpose of selling more toys to little boys like me! He was part of this weird Dino Trackers line of toys that I happened to think was the coolest thing in the world. This guy was always the badass hero. Killed Mr. Nedry quite a few times.
Bush Devil Tracker. Oh hell yeah. This was, by far, my favorite vehicle. And I had a lot of the vehicles. I mean… the passenger seat slid out so you could rope a dinosaur around the neck as they were running away. It’s also just a very cool toy jeep, and it shot a freakin’ missile.
Junior Tyrannosaurus Rex. Can you say… DINO DAMAGE!!! Oh shit! Look at that chunk of flesh you can just rip out of the poor guy’s side. This was definitely my favorite toy out of all of my toys during this part of my life. Including non Jurassic Park toys. Dennis Nedry ended up in in Junior’s mouth quite often.
Tyrannosaurus Rex. Now this may not have been my favorite Jurassic Park toy, but it was definitely the most badass. Compared to the rest of the action figures, this thing was HUGE. And it made noises! Scary noises! Like this!
There you go. That’s pretty much all you need to know about my childhood. Well… and LEGOs. I liked those a lot, too.